Yesterday was the eldest's birthday. We did the day our with Thomas thing for him. It was a flippen 2 hour drive to get there and a 2 hour drive to get back. My wife made plans for us to meet my family at a restaurant at 5:30 pm, we had a 1pm train ride on Thomas and too much junk to see. Dianna though we would leave at 10am we didn't leave until about 10:20am the venue had moved so we had to find out where it moved to so that ate up more time I think we finally got in at 12:40pm. Then the friken train ride didn't go until 1:30pm. That left us a whopping hour to check out what the rest of the place was about. Thomas had a bit of fun on a bouncy castle and a hay stack maze. David picked a fight with another kid, the kid hit him David laughed and pounded him. The other kid wanted a piece of him but his dad stopped him. I think he knew David would smoke him. Thomas got a shot with Sir Topemhat it wasn't going to happen for David. So we had them play for a bit in the imagination station got them some hats and a Thomas a train whistle. Had them head out and David had a meltdown because he had to leave. The both crashed in the car shortly after, thankfully David slept the whole ride back.
Overall impression with a Day out with Thomas... it sucked. I think it would have been better if we weren't so rushed but even then I think it still would have sucked. It was set up in a dusty area. The lines to get on to the train were poorly organized, everything was grossly over priced. Frankly not worth the money. Just a really crappy experience. I would have had more fun with the kids playing with the Thomas the tank engine train set at home.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Nothing says high class hooker like a 12 pack and a sleeping bag
OK so I'll get to the title in a bit...
So wake up this morning with the plan to head to Centerville. So we got off to a bit of a slow start I wanted to be on the road at 9:30 we didn't really get rolling until 10:30 or so then had to stop get tickets and then I had to stop by the office before we got on our way.
Well we hit Toronto and well I hate Toronto. No strike that I don't hate Toronto I hate all the people in it. It's not that I hate people it's just that I feel a whole lot better when that aren't around. The do amuse me though and they make for some interesting anecdotes for my blog.
So anyway we hit Toronto I know of one place that I like to park at it is close to the ferry and I am a creature of habit I like to do the same thing over and over. Well because we got our sorry asses there so late the lot is full. Crap... OK I can deal right I mean I am almost thirty-six I'm a big boy. So I turn to Dianna "where do you want to park?" I get the blank stare... shit it's up to me. OK off I go to find parking in Toronto a city of 4.5 million that inflates to probably 6 million every working day, HA good luck. Well I find one parking lot that has space and the "attendant" (I used quotes because I can think of lots of names for him but none of them are nice) says to me in some broken sanskrit that he wanted my key to my car. Ummm let me think for a quarter second how about no, you can barely speak English I sure ain't handing over my car keys to you. So off I go to another parking lot I found one for $15 bucks fifteen dollars to park downtown that just seems so wrong on so many levels...
So I unpack the kids and their gear. Load the little one in his stroller and off we go. We are waiting for the ferry and this elderly Asian lady is like rubbing up against me like not once or twice but like a lot. I'm playing with my kids and junk and she's still rubbing up against me I am think WTF? Then I notice that she has a camera in her hand and is trying to take a pic of her, who I assume to be her, husband. He's got on the hip retro 80's beret, good look gramps...
On to the ferry we go. I took Thomas up on the second deck to look around and take some photos. I seriously do not get kids and fashion... There were some younger girls up, I would guess to be in the 13-15 year old range. They have the cropped shirts on with beer guts hanging out. Can they not see this in their mirror at home? Do people not look at themselves before they leave the house? Is the Seinfeld "skinny" mirror not just fiction? One kid looked like she was a giant muffin from Tim Horton's.
Get off the ferry an on to the island with no real distractions to speak of. Well except for one. Why for the love of all thing pure and sacred do people with nasty feet feel it is their right to wander about in public wearing sandals. I understand misshapen feet, mine are somewhat misshapen. If you are going to sear sandals get rid of the nasty dried skin, the gross callouses. Take a wood rasp to them if you have to but no one outside of your immediate family should ever see that. Oh and trim those flippin' toenails too. OK so I got the actual feet thing out of the way now we go on to shoe wear. Flip Flops are fine I have no problem with them but they are a cheap shoe so replace them every year. Seeing 5 years of filth slap against your crusty assed heel just ain't right. Second issue with footwear. Get shoes or sandals that fit. You feet need to have space around them... all the way around them. I don't want to see your crusty heel dragging on the ground as you walk and I sure as hell don't want to see a toe hanger.
So the rest of the day passed with me mostly yelling at the kids to sit down or stay in line. I ignored most of the people I came in contact with. There were some but they don't warrant mention in my blog, insignificant sub humans that they were.
Back on the ferry to get back to the mainland I come across what appears to be a family of burned out hippies. Well at least the father looks to be one and well the kids don't look to far off. Dad is wearing a tie dyed Woodstock '99 T shirt, cut off jeans, Airwalks with wool work socks and to top it off he has a big honkin' bandanna around his head that accentuates how large a 'fro he has going on. Just one of those things that makes you go hmmmm.
Back to the title of my blog entry. We were walking along the Queens Quay back to the car and we walk past a young lady, dressed quite nicely in heels and a pretty sun dress, carrying a sleeping bag and a twelve pack of bud. Well sometimes I have been known to forget to use my "inside thought" voice and words just shoot out of my mouth. So as I pass by I turn to Dianna and say, "nothing says high class hooker like a 12 pack and a sleeping bag." I love it when I get her with a zinger like that. Well she lost it and was laughing and of course my 6 year old wants to know know what a hooker is and what is so funny....
I really need to use my inside thoughts more effectively.
So wake up this morning with the plan to head to Centerville. So we got off to a bit of a slow start I wanted to be on the road at 9:30 we didn't really get rolling until 10:30 or so then had to stop get tickets and then I had to stop by the office before we got on our way.
Well we hit Toronto and well I hate Toronto. No strike that I don't hate Toronto I hate all the people in it. It's not that I hate people it's just that I feel a whole lot better when that aren't around. The do amuse me though and they make for some interesting anecdotes for my blog.
So anyway we hit Toronto I know of one place that I like to park at it is close to the ferry and I am a creature of habit I like to do the same thing over and over. Well because we got our sorry asses there so late the lot is full. Crap... OK I can deal right I mean I am almost thirty-six I'm a big boy. So I turn to Dianna "where do you want to park?" I get the blank stare... shit it's up to me. OK off I go to find parking in Toronto a city of 4.5 million that inflates to probably 6 million every working day, HA good luck. Well I find one parking lot that has space and the "attendant" (I used quotes because I can think of lots of names for him but none of them are nice) says to me in some broken sanskrit that he wanted my key to my car. Ummm let me think for a quarter second how about no, you can barely speak English I sure ain't handing over my car keys to you. So off I go to another parking lot I found one for $15 bucks fifteen dollars to park downtown that just seems so wrong on so many levels...
So I unpack the kids and their gear. Load the little one in his stroller and off we go. We are waiting for the ferry and this elderly Asian lady is like rubbing up against me like not once or twice but like a lot. I'm playing with my kids and junk and she's still rubbing up against me I am think WTF? Then I notice that she has a camera in her hand and is trying to take a pic of her, who I assume to be her, husband. He's got on the hip retro 80's beret, good look gramps...
On to the ferry we go. I took Thomas up on the second deck to look around and take some photos. I seriously do not get kids and fashion... There were some younger girls up, I would guess to be in the 13-15 year old range. They have the cropped shirts on with beer guts hanging out. Can they not see this in their mirror at home? Do people not look at themselves before they leave the house? Is the Seinfeld "skinny" mirror not just fiction? One kid looked like she was a giant muffin from Tim Horton's.
Get off the ferry an on to the island with no real distractions to speak of. Well except for one. Why for the love of all thing pure and sacred do people with nasty feet feel it is their right to wander about in public wearing sandals. I understand misshapen feet, mine are somewhat misshapen. If you are going to sear sandals get rid of the nasty dried skin, the gross callouses. Take a wood rasp to them if you have to but no one outside of your immediate family should ever see that. Oh and trim those flippin' toenails too. OK so I got the actual feet thing out of the way now we go on to shoe wear. Flip Flops are fine I have no problem with them but they are a cheap shoe so replace them every year. Seeing 5 years of filth slap against your crusty assed heel just ain't right. Second issue with footwear. Get shoes or sandals that fit. You feet need to have space around them... all the way around them. I don't want to see your crusty heel dragging on the ground as you walk and I sure as hell don't want to see a toe hanger.
So the rest of the day passed with me mostly yelling at the kids to sit down or stay in line. I ignored most of the people I came in contact with. There were some but they don't warrant mention in my blog, insignificant sub humans that they were.
Back on the ferry to get back to the mainland I come across what appears to be a family of burned out hippies. Well at least the father looks to be one and well the kids don't look to far off. Dad is wearing a tie dyed Woodstock '99 T shirt, cut off jeans, Airwalks with wool work socks and to top it off he has a big honkin' bandanna around his head that accentuates how large a 'fro he has going on. Just one of those things that makes you go hmmmm.
Back to the title of my blog entry. We were walking along the Queens Quay back to the car and we walk past a young lady, dressed quite nicely in heels and a pretty sun dress, carrying a sleeping bag and a twelve pack of bud. Well sometimes I have been known to forget to use my "inside thought" voice and words just shoot out of my mouth. So as I pass by I turn to Dianna and say, "nothing says high class hooker like a 12 pack and a sleeping bag." I love it when I get her with a zinger like that. Well she lost it and was laughing and of course my 6 year old wants to know know what a hooker is and what is so funny....
I really need to use my inside thoughts more effectively.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Things that make me laugh
OK things that make me laugh, believe me I need all the laughs I can get.
1. People falling, yeah I know it's mean but there is nothing funnier than some one bolting back up on their feet to check and see if anyone saw them tumble ass over teakettle.
2. Baby talk, no not that crap that freakish parents do to their children that make you want to vomit pure bile. The talk that kids who are learning how to speak do, where you can only make out maybe two words if you are lucky. That shit is funny to me
3. My mom, she's got to be one of the funniest ladies on the planet. She's so friggen nosy it just makes me giggle. (I get my people watching skillz from her)
4. The clumsiness of my wife, I mean who rubs their feet with baby oil then runs down a set of stairs?
5. The word moose, this stems from my creative writing class in high school, my teacher found it funny and every time I hear it I hear her laugh and that laugh in itself makes me chuckle.
6. Small penis jokes, I have a small penis so I get the humour in them, they are funny.
7. Older Vonage comercials, there is nothing better than the kid swinging a bat by a sliding glass door and the bat slipping out of his hands.
8. The creativity of some children, I mean cutting all the sulphur tips from matches and filling a baby food jar and lighting them genius pure genius... until dad turns the corner and catches you in his Ford LTD.
9. Anything that begins with "Hold my beer and watch this" You just know that is going to end with a trip to the emergency room.
10 Marketing like this,
I just like how Homer is looking at that poor sap possibly saying "excuse me but would you mind holding my doughnut for me? I see you have the perfect spot for it..."
1. People falling, yeah I know it's mean but there is nothing funnier than some one bolting back up on their feet to check and see if anyone saw them tumble ass over teakettle.
2. Baby talk, no not that crap that freakish parents do to their children that make you want to vomit pure bile. The talk that kids who are learning how to speak do, where you can only make out maybe two words if you are lucky. That shit is funny to me
3. My mom, she's got to be one of the funniest ladies on the planet. She's so friggen nosy it just makes me giggle. (I get my people watching skillz from her)
4. The clumsiness of my wife, I mean who rubs their feet with baby oil then runs down a set of stairs?
5. The word moose, this stems from my creative writing class in high school, my teacher found it funny and every time I hear it I hear her laugh and that laugh in itself makes me chuckle.
6. Small penis jokes, I have a small penis so I get the humour in them, they are funny.
7. Older Vonage comercials, there is nothing better than the kid swinging a bat by a sliding glass door and the bat slipping out of his hands.
8. The creativity of some children, I mean cutting all the sulphur tips from matches and filling a baby food jar and lighting them genius pure genius... until dad turns the corner and catches you in his Ford LTD.
9. Anything that begins with "Hold my beer and watch this" You just know that is going to end with a trip to the emergency room.
10 Marketing like this,
I just like how Homer is looking at that poor sap possibly saying "excuse me but would you mind holding my doughnut for me? I see you have the perfect spot for it..."
Monday, July 09, 2007
Wine, Food and a White Dress
Went to a wedding last night and well too much booze too much food and a good time was had by all.
It's weird seeing some one go through all the things you have already experienced. I did the whole thing for my wedding (I so should have been gay). I remember my wedding day quite clearly all that was involved all that went wrong and all that went well. I wonder if they will have as a wonderful first eight years as I have. I don't even really know them at all but I ate their food and gave them a gift. My wife works with the new wife. She seemed like a nice enough person so why not.
It was interesting to see the varied range of people at her wedding. Although in my opinion she invited too many people that didn't really have a good time. Which in itself is sad. I remember my wedding and I remember we invited people we knew would have a good time. It's a celebration of the joining of two peoples lives, get up and dance about it. We got bitched at by the people we invited but we were paying the bill so we invited who we wanted to invite. If some one didn't like it too bad so sad. I guess they had fun they looked like they were bobbing around pretty good and having a good time. I guess that is the important part. Oh just a thought, why do they always get the brides sister to say a speech? They will cry and be reduced to a blubbering fool and never get to say what they really wanted to say in the first place. Sure everyone will say "oh that was so heartfelt" or something of the like but inside they are thinking "gawd what an emotional basket case I can understand why she is still single".
Anyway blog dawgs I am outtie...
It's weird seeing some one go through all the things you have already experienced. I did the whole thing for my wedding (I so should have been gay). I remember my wedding day quite clearly all that was involved all that went wrong and all that went well. I wonder if they will have as a wonderful first eight years as I have. I don't even really know them at all but I ate their food and gave them a gift. My wife works with the new wife. She seemed like a nice enough person so why not.
It was interesting to see the varied range of people at her wedding. Although in my opinion she invited too many people that didn't really have a good time. Which in itself is sad. I remember my wedding and I remember we invited people we knew would have a good time. It's a celebration of the joining of two peoples lives, get up and dance about it. We got bitched at by the people we invited but we were paying the bill so we invited who we wanted to invite. If some one didn't like it too bad so sad. I guess they had fun they looked like they were bobbing around pretty good and having a good time. I guess that is the important part. Oh just a thought, why do they always get the brides sister to say a speech? They will cry and be reduced to a blubbering fool and never get to say what they really wanted to say in the first place. Sure everyone will say "oh that was so heartfelt" or something of the like but inside they are thinking "gawd what an emotional basket case I can understand why she is still single".
Anyway blog dawgs I am outtie...
Thursday, July 05, 2007
It has been busy lately...
I have been doing all kinds of things with the kids. We got busy with the end of school and I forgot to blog. We got busy with the beginning of Summer vacation and I forgot to blog. So what's happening with me, well not much :D but Thomas has finished his gymnastics classes. He will move up a level next time around and do just boys gymnastics rather than the kinder gym he has been doing. He also started keyboard lessons which he likes but getting him to practice is another issue, we have to be right on top of him to get it done right... David is taking swimming lessons for the first time Thomas is there in the same time slot as well. but David seems to be really taking to it well very much like his brother. David is still much more of a doer then a talker. Thomas needs to explain everything and flog a dead horse every time he explains something. It gets tiresome and he seems to want to get the same level of attention that David gets, especially at dinner time, David is still teething so he gets a bit of preferential treatment like not having to finish all his dinner and Thomas thinks he can get away with it too. Then there is the "whatever" responses that you get when he's told how things will go. WTF? I thought I wasn't supposed to get this kind of response until he was 12 or 13 he's not even six. Well he is getting all kinds of punishments and what have you. So I guess time will tell if it will work or not...
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