Crap I am becoming old...and cantankerous

So I am driving home Sunday afternoon and I call my wife to see if she would like anything while I am on my way home, that is code word for would you like something that I can get throw a drive through. I'm not lazy by any means I do lots around the house and I work a lot to help provide for my family, but when I am en route home I really don't want to get out of the car.

Anyway back to the phone call to the loving wife... She says sure get me a Cafe Mocha and get a vanilla dip doughnut for boy #1. I ask her what about the other one she replies that he has already been binging on sugar today so he doesn't need any more. So I am OK cool I'll see you when I get home then.

I wheel into the Tim Horton's near the house and I wait my turn in the already long line up for the drive through. I think no problem they usually have pretty quick people working the drive through. Well I sit there and I sit there. I am looking at the line from the ordering speaker to the pickup window start to separate from the line to the ordering speaker... Then the line at the pick up window is gone there is only a van sitting at the ordering speaker. And it sits and it sits and when it is done sitting it sits for some more... It felt like he was sitting there for an eternity I estimate the actual time to be just under 5 minutes, this is not acceptable behaviour for drive through activity. So I finally see this inconsiderate S.O.B move his gas guzzling monstrosity out of the way and up to the pickup window.... and he sits...and sits. I watch the three other cars behind order and move up behind the inconsiderate jackass. and I am getting kind of excited at this point because I am moving and not just because people in front of me have given up and are going in the store now. I am really moving in the line up (yay me!). So I look to the pick up window again it is still the same blue van. Dammit. WTF? This guy must have ordered lunch for an entire office, his bill must be $70.00 again unacceptable behaviour, if you have a large complex order get you lazy ass out of your car and go in the store it will be easier on everyone around you. So I finally see the van inch forward about 3 feet only to see the brake lights flash on again and the jackass gets out of his vehicle to walk back to the pick up window. Fuck me sideways what now? Apparently they forgot part of his order so he had to go back to get his cluster of sugar for his whining brat in the back seat or else his wife who is sitting beside him won't give him his balls back so he can watch the football game in the afternoon. So I see him standing at the window he is making all the stupid "I'm sorry" faces at the car directly behind him. Well my window is already rolled down and I am quite set off right now. I have had enough of waiting I have been in line for close to ten minutes now. So I spurt off the first thing that comes to mind, "Go in the store for a large order you JACKASS!" I know he heard me because I saw him looking around to see where it came from and his stupid "I'm sorry" face went away.

It was at that moment that I transitioned from accepting middle aged man to cantankerous aging white guy. I am only 36...

Sweeney Todd had no skill

Every wonder if the story of Sweeney Todd isn't really one about a serial killer but just some poor schmuck trying to make a living as a barber and he was just really really bad at it?

I picked up a straight razor (also known as a cut throat or lesser known as an open razor) from my barber a few days ago. Well it is definitely a steep learning curve on these bad boys. I have acquired a few little nicks but nothing that required stitches or a trip to the ER, much to the delight of my wife. I had to lay down the law with my 6 year old with regards to touching daddy's things.

The razor is an interesting little contraption where it takes a normal razor blade but snapped in half so there is no need for a strop or a stone to hone the edge. This might take some of the fun out of the whole idea behind using a straight razor for some at there certainly a ritual aspect to getting your razor's edge ready for use. I like the no nonsense approach of the replaceable edge perhaps when I develop a level of competency I will invest in a true straight razor.

In terms of ease of use I find that short strokes are the single most important technique a shaver can use. I have used a blade for years as the electric version or the razor, in my opinion, is about as useful as tits on a bull. I have long used the Gillette Sensor Excel brand and I love them they are simple to use and do a pretty good job at what I need them to do. What I dislike is the price of them. I buy my blades at Costco so I get a reasonable deal but still they are expensive you are looking at a dollar and change for a blade for the Gillette system as opposed to about 20 cents a blade for a regular razor blade and I get to chop that in half. So from a money stand point they are much cheaper. It does take a little bit of work to get out the bathroom with out looking like you've been punched in the face by Wolverine, but there is a certain satisfaction after a shave with a straight razor. Kind of like connecting with the ancestors of long ago.

Well I am out, with a smooth shave to boot...

So with one weekend down

Several billion more to go. I am learning some very interesting things and feel good about everything that I am doing right now. It just feels right. You know how you can second guess all your choices and always wonder if what you did in the past is the right thing? Well that all stopped for me yesterday, I know I am doing the right things and I am where I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to be with and have all the things I am supposed to have. I am who I am supposed to be. For a very long time I have always felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Sure I may have not shown it but yesterday I felt like I was finally me. I don't know what it was because I didn't do anything really different I worked, then did a tech call after work and then came home and hung out with my wife for the night. Nothing out of the the ordinary just me being me... So I don't know why I felt better about it. But then again my thoughts and processes are odd to begin with so maybe I am just finally figuring out how I think... who knows...

My writing is suffering though, I have not put finger to keyboard in a creative sense for some time now... I miss it. I will have to make more time for it some where... Now just because I haven't written anything doesn't mean I am not still building the story in my head... kind of like high school when I would write a whole essay the night before... how long does it take to type out 300-400 pages? 48 hours? I should get to it if I am going to make my time line... sigh the bane of my existence is procrastination

The sacrifices we make...

Well, I have been pretty busy the last little while. I have had lots to do and not much time to do it. My weekends are now pretty much booked... I have taken on a second job. I have talked things over with my wife and she is supportive of me but fears I am burning the candle at both ends. I fear that too. I told her the only thing I can do is try. We have a debt that we are responsible for above and beyond our mortgage. We will have to come up with some money for a car for her soon and I really want to avoid financing if I can. So that is why I have got this second job. I am hoping I can deal with it and make the best of my time with my boys as it will be reduced because of working on the weekends. I guess I just have to make the best of the time that I do have with them and make it the best time I can with them until things get better for me. The weird part is that I am not doing this to get more I am doing this so my kids don't have to deal with less. Not that they are spoiled terribly or anything but I just want to be able to give them all the things I can when they ask for them. I still make them wait for stuff and they don't get everything they ask for but it's nice to be able to get them stuff... Fuck I don't know...it's complicated...

So that's where I am lost and picking up second jobs and trying to be the big family provider...